Shadow
by mtd4417
Summary: songfic-- Someone looks back on their life of living in a shadow at their sister's funeral. Not what you would expect. RR! rated for strong emotions


A/N: hey everyone. ok i just finished my Boy Meets World fic so i was listening to the radio and i heard this song. i thought it was good fanfic material so here it is. this song is called "Shadow" and it is by Ashlee Simpson

disclaimer: i dont own this song, Ashlee Simpson, Recess, or any characters

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Brittany Ambruster (i hope i spelled that right. if i didnt oh well because its the only time the last name is mentioned) was sitting in her English class in her junior year of high school. But she wasn't thinking about her work. No, she was thinking about her older sister Ashley. When her parents died, Ashley, Tyler, and Brittany were left alone. Sure, her relatives raised the three but no one really noticed Brittany so it was like she was alone anyway. Her whole life, she had lived in the shadow of Ashley. Ashley A. She was the most popular girl in school until she graduated. Of course, now Brittany is popular, but only because Ashley isn't there anymore. She didn't want to be popular because it "ran in her family". She wanted to work for her popularity. It all came so easy for Ashley. She was beautiful. Everyone liked her. Brittany didn't realize when her crying aunt walked into her classroom to talk to her. She was too involved in her thoughts. That's when she was told. Ashley had been in a car accident. She had died. Her beautiful, popular older sister had died.

****

I was six years old when my parents went away.

I was left inside with a broken life I couldn't wish away.

She was beautiful.

She had everything and more.

And my escape was hiding out and running for the door.

The next few days, Brittany's aunt, uncle, and brother never stopped crying over the loss of Ashley. Brittany was sad, too. But she refused to cry. She had to be strong for her family. But on the inside she was crying. Her sister was dead. Even though Brittany was never noticed because of Ashley, she had always secretly looked up to her. She loved her sister. And now she was gone. Brittany never even got a chance to tell her that. Then her life was so cruelly taken away. And now she never would get the chance to tell Ashley how she really felt. And of course, no one would listen to her. Sure, she was popular at school. But at home? No one knew she existed at home. So she blocked everyone at home out of her life. She wanted badly for her family to notice her. For her family to love her like they loved Ashley and like they love Tyler. But she knew that wouldn't happen. If only her parents were here.

****

Somebody listen, please.

It used to be so hard being me.

Living in the shadow of someone else's dream.

Trying to find a hand to hold

But every touch felt cold to me.

Living in a nightmare.

A never- ending sleep.

But now that I am wide awake

My chains are finally free.

Don't feel sorry for me.

It was the day of the funeral. Brittany was looking at herself in the mirror. She was dressed in black. She still looked great. Brittany picked up a picture of her sister. She started crying. She didn't realize her aunt come into her room.

"We all miss her, Brittany," her aunt said.

"What do you want?" Brittany asked quickly wiping her tears and putting the picture in a dresser drawer.

"Brittany, what's wrong?" her aunt asked.

"What's wrong? What's wrong is that no one ever notices me! No one knows I exist. No one cares if I'm alive or dead! No one ever has. When my parents died you took us three. But you only noticed Ashley and Tyler. It's like I wasn't even there. All I ever wanted was to be noticed. But I wasn't. And I never will be," Brittany exclaimed in tears.

"Brittany, why didn't you ever tell anyone you felt this way?" asked her aunt.

"Because no one would listen. I tried, but everyone was always too interested in Ashley," Brittany cried.

"I am so sorry. Brittany, I didn't mean to favor Ashley," her aunt told her.

"You didn't?" Brittany asked.

"No. Of course not. I love all you three kids the same," her aunt replied.

"Thanks," Brittany said hugging her aunt.

"Well, we'd better get down to the funeral," her aunt noticed.

"Yeah. You go on. I'll be there in a minute," Brittany said. Her aunt left and Brittany walked over to her dresser and took out her picture of Ashley. "Ashley, I love you. Why did you have to go?" She put the picture away and went downstairs to go to the funeral.

****

All the days collided.

One less perfect than the next.

I was stuck inside someone else's life

And always second best.

Oh, I love you now

'Cause now I realize

That it's safe outside to come alive

In my identity.

At the funeral, Brittany got a chance to speak. She took the chance and spoke from her heart.

"My name is Brittany. I was Ashley's younger sister. My parents died when I was young. Ashley always got all the attention. Always. I was never included in anything. Ashley was popular. Ashley was beautiful. Ashley was prom queen. What I am trying to say is that Ashley was perfect. I was in her shadow for the longest time. Once Ashley graduated, I became the popular one at school. But at home? No. At school I was only popular because I was Ashley's little sister. I basically inherited popularity. And I didn't want that. I wanted to earn my popularity. Popularity always came so easy for Ashley. I never knew why. But now, I realize that all along, my family has loved me. Ashley loved me. And I loved her. I just wish I could have realized that sooner and told her. I don't want your pity because I am ok. I just want to say that I will truly miss my sister. Ashley, I love you. Thank you everyone," Brittany finished with tears in her eyes.

****

So if you're listening,

There's so much more to me you haven't seen.

Living in the shadow

Of someone else's dream.

Trying to find a hand to hold

But every touch felt cold to me.

Living in a nightmare

A never ending sleep.

But now that I am wide awake

Then I can finally see

Don't feel sorry for me.

She forgave everyone. She forgave her parents for not noticing her. She forgave her aunt and uncle for not noticing her. She forgave her brother for stealing the rest of the love because he was the only son. She forgave her sister for being--- well--- perfect. Everything was ok now. She was loved. She was happy. She missed her sister, but she was happy with her life now.

****

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother

Everything's cool now.

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother

Everything's cool now.

Oh my life is good.

I've got more than anyone should.

And the past is the past.

Brittany was ok now. She was no longer living in a shadow. Sure, she missed her sister greatly. But she has a life now. She doesn't want to sound selfish, but that is the only way to say it. She will never get over losing her sister, but she can finally have a life. A real life. Not a life in the shadow of someone else. But a life of her own. It was a new day and she had a new life. A life that she was proud of. A life that she was never wish away.

****

I was living in the shadow of someone else's dream.

Trying to find a hand to hold

But every touch felt cold to me.

I'm living in a new day.

I'm living it for me.

And now that I am wide awake,

Then I can finally see.

Don't feel sorry for me.

Don't feel sorry

Don't feel sorry for me.

Don't feel sorry

Don't feel sorry for me.

Living in, living in, living in the shadow.

Living in, living in, living in a new day.

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A/N: well there ya go. what did u think of it? sorry if the song didnt really fit the fic all that well. well anyway--- i hope u liked it. please RR!!


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